Peru - Lima
I was not in Lima long enough to truly judge it, but of course I will anyway! Miraflores is the neighborhood that is supposed to be the jam. I get it, hotels, restaurants, beaches, etc. It’s not half bad, but all of the development is like they were trying to develop America. I don’t get it. Aren’t there entrepreneurs in 3rd world countries? Even in the US developments go after independents to give their projects the right feel. Nobody, or at least not this guy, wants to go to another country just to go to a Starbucks. That’s ridiculous.
Anyway, the beaches were fine but they were half rocks, and not fine rocks. I think Lima needs some time to figure shit out. You can’t have half the city be desperately poor and the other half be an American shopping mall. It’s backwards.
Notes to self:
-Neither apple maps nor google maps seemed to work on ATT. I don’t usually care but the cab ride back took half the time of the cab ride there, and I know that fucker was way off course getting there… Traffic was kind of a bitch though…everywhere. So perhaps his unnecessarily windy, outrageously speed bump laden route was his attempt at avoiding the inevitable stand still on the other roads.
-The Lima airport lounge is mostly lame. It’s airport/airline wide, meaning every airline is included in this one lounge. They do have a very interesting massage chair area that was like outdoors. Being a completely separate room, it looked pretty damn peaceful. I was busy at the bar the whole time, which worked out just fine for me.
-As I was headed to the gate there was time for one more Brahma Choppe (beer!) and the fuckers charged me in dollars! Dollars! Which is totally ridiculous for a myriad of reasons, but at this particular point the dollar was very strong (3.5 to 1) and they were completely ripping people off. I remain…outraged. They do many similar things in my Machu Picchu rant!
JW Marriott Lima - Feb 2016
I am upset. Very upset. I was livid, now I’m just upset, and I won’t be getting over it soon. Fuck you. You know who you are.
I got there late. Way later than I expected or had planned for. I was exhausted. So tired. So beat up. I just needed some modern conveniences and some serious rest. I told you this. I told you I wanted to do some work and sleep forever. I told you exactly what I needed. I had paid $300 American Dollars for this room. I had picked the JW on purpose. Just in case something like how I currently felt was happening, I put myself in the best position for success. I told you all of this. Sure, I didn’t have my rewards number handy, but I told you I was a member. I told you many things. I basically begged you for some pretty simple things. I am sorry that I declined your bell man service. It was late and I just couldn’t deal with another explanation of how a coffee maker works. It’s not magic, I get it.
So what did you do? You amazingly, unbelievably, inconsiderate woman. You put me in a room on the 6th floor. I think you knew that this room got no wifi. Not the guest room wifi, not the conference room wifi, not even the publicly offered wifi. No wifi, when the only thing I needed to do work and connect to my world was have wifi. I told you that before you picked this room.
I think you knew that the power was scheduled to go out on this floor at 2am. Waking me up from barely being able to close eyes. Already frustrated I call down and the nice guy on the phone says that someone would be right up. I get dressed of course and sit on the bed and wait. No dude. Sure, the power came back on but no dude came. I waited, then I fell back asleep. Then you decided to call me to make sure I was ok. I appreciate that. Thanks douche. It’s 3am now.
I think you knew that they were doing construction directly above my head at 8:30 that morning. I know you knew it. You wanted me to suffer. That weird hammering that didn’t seem to serve any purpose other than to wake me up and prevent more slumber.
And the most crushing defeat of all, your solution to all of these problems. I told you my story. I even had to sit in the lobby for hours to get some work done. So what did you do, offer me a free cab ride to the airport. About 10 bucks worth of a solution. Screw you folks. Seriously. Screw you.
Notes
-Besides the above, this place is nowhere near the airport…40 mins to an hour. It’s right on the water and is connected to the most ridiculously American mini mall I have ever seen overseas. It’s perfect if you traveled to Lima to see suburban USA. The beach in front of the hotel is rocky and overall a waste of time. There’s no wifi in my area, there’s no pay per view, mini bar was fine and there was 24 hour room service. The view was good and if everything above didn’t happen, I would actually argue that the room and bathroom were quite nice and modern, almost like a Park Hyatt. But fuck this place.