Puerto Rico

I think San Juan proper is a cool place to go, and I felt like Old San Juan was boring and a big carribean cliche. The west coast was cool but man it’s a haul to get there, and for what kind of payoff? I’m just not sure I’m headed back to PR when there are so many other (better?) options right next door. No offense.

Old San Juan is pretty fucking lame if you’ve ever traveled anywhere.
Barrachina (the home of the pina colada) is not good and I was so unimpressed that I didn't even order a pina colada. I mean that’s pretty sad. The steak house pretty much right next door the first night we got there was on point (El Viejo Almachen). I would hit that spot again.
Fortaleza street, the main drag, was completely under construction and looked like shit...too bad.

On the west coast, Boat crash beach was meh with 30 bucks for 2 chairs and an umbrella and really only food trucks and stands for amenities. Authentic for sure, but bathrooms and full bars matter too :)
Jobos beach is way better with restaurants and bars and a cove protecting the waves (for kids). Uma’s was decent for food and drinks.
Mofongo pretty much nywhere is the jam and this country both loves its food trucks and does them really really well. We had plenty of street food.
El Yunque Rainforest is actually quite rad. We got a a guided tour (but not the ones with the helmets and life vests). We should have gotten helmets and life vests! We traveled so so far. Once we “arrived” we really just went there to slide down these waterfalls and take the river back to the base of operations. It was great, but with a scared wife and a scared 5 year old and a scared dad…ahem…it was tough! haha. So glad we did it but damn!
Isla Verde, as we drove by, looked like a rad spot, and very close to San Juan.

Previous say…

It’s probably not fair for me to judge PR much since I was brought there by a cruise ship two times and on a company resort trip another time, but I will say this, while I liked Puerto Rico, I found it to be a little too Americanized with fast food and the like, without the infrastructure that one would expect from being Americanized. In other words, they got all our crap but haven’t gotten any of the good stuff yet.

I would agree that the Old San Juan area can be quite charming, but it also closes really early and can be found in many countries to be honest. Perhaps I just need to spend more time here, the people are nice, the beaches are nice, at the end of the day what really is there not to like…

St. Regis Bahia - Mar 2023

It’s a sprawling resort. My first reaction was of a Charleston style plantation type property. The main pool is gigantic and all of the buildings kind of surround it. It’s nice, it’s just not that nice. The room wasn’t ready when we arrived at 2:30pm. Still wasn’t ready until just about 4, which is check in time, so like a lot of places like this, all of the room attendants finish cleaning every room at 4. And there are hundreds of rooms. It’s a cool magic trick.
The kids club is kind of a joke and costs extra. Plop them in front of TV’s is what it looked like.
Our room was an ocean front st Regis one bedroom suite. It was nice. The balcony was nice. It just had the same layout/look as all one bedrooms at resorts nowadays. The main bathroom (there were 2 fulls) was pretty rad with a 10 person shower. Almost too big for the shower head :)
The beach is nice, but this place is so isolated. So boring I think. Being in San Juan (not old town) would be better. We passed the Isla Verde area on the way down and it looked like a ton of fun.
Seagrapes for lunch and drinks. First night on the bar restaurant patio was nice.
Our dinner the next night was met with resistance since we didn’t have a reservation. To be clear, this is the resort restaurant. There’s like nowhere else to go. It was embarrassing. We had to like beg to be fed. They eventually got us in the fine dining area but we had a young kid and that was not our goal. The place never even filled up after all that gaffawing.
Then room service the next day was delicious and right on time. Spot on there. I am honestly not sure why this place is appealing.

Villa Montana - Mar 2023

This resort is interesting. I would never have chosen it if not for a wedding, mainly because it’s so far away and isolated I think (exactly what the bride and groom wanted). Easily a 2 hour drive from San Juan…and not a very pretty drive. It was a nice place, but really only if you had one of the oceanfront villas (which of course we did). But even those have a little bluff/dune blocking you from viewing the ocean, and definitely blocking the waves. It kind of feels like maybe it was a camp ground back in the day.
We got the two bedroom villa with private pool. It was great and there is no other option if you’re staying here. It’s truly huge. The spots further back just aren’t nearly as good, both location AND style wise. Doesn’t actually look like they ever got updated from brown tile and window AC units you know?
They have one single restaurant. It’s good. But man you feel a bit stuck. There is no store, no room service, no delivery, no nothing else. Just that restaurant.

The pools are fine and the tennis courts are a little less than fine.

These “rooms” are more like their pwn airbnb’s on the beach. There aren’t really any room amenities to speak of. Cool…but sparse.

Marriott Stellaris - Mar 2023

This is a very good hotel. I put it on par with any resort hotel in any tourist area. It has restaurants, and bars, and even a casino here. Is it great? No it isn’t. It’s very good. And it’s aging in its very good state. Yes our room looked at the ocean, but it also looked over a street and a vast amount of what looked like drug dealing going on :)

The kid loved the pool and slides.

El Conquistador Resort and Golden Door Spa - Feb 2006

Oh man, this is a resort. Multiple levels of accommodations…and I mean they are separated by canyons and cliffs. You literally take a funicular (kind of a railway tram) to get from one level to the next. I loved the strategically placed hot tubs everywhere and the main pool area was cool. Our room was basic but had a giant balcony with a cool view (absolutely necessary if your companion snores like he is warding off demons).

There is a small island off the coast that has some bars and restaurants and cool water activities and chill areas. There is an even smaller island off of that where myself and a friend laid claim to…after kayaking/ferrying cigarettes and beer across the ocean, we planted a flag…it’s ours. So get!