Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

*Our Carnival post is separate*

Update 2025

Well big surprise! Rio hasn’t changed all that much :)

I stayed in the “Unhotel” right next to the JW in Copa. It was actually pretty sweet and would be perfect for a family or a couple, being by myself I missed the bustle and bustle of a lobby and the pre going out drinks at the hotel bar. The unhotel had a pool but with such a small building it just wasn’t the same. I wouldn’t stay there again but I would also recommend it under different circumstances.

I took a half day private tour for like 250 bucks. It was well worth it and the guys were great since I didn’t want to do the standard tourist destinations I had already seen. Mainly we just went around the ciy and looked at local things.

That was easily the most expensive thing I did by a long shot! Beers were a buck fifty. Uber most of the time was 5 dollars or less. Full meals for 10 bucks easy. This place to so cheap! The dollar being string helps but you can just tell it has not caught up to the gouging other places do…so get while the getting is good!

Barraca Uruguay at Post 9 is still posting Bourdains picture, and it’s still good, but I suspect all the beach huts say that they sell better shit :) you pay a premium (about double) at barraca uruguay but must we squabble over 4 dollars and fifty cents versus 2.25?

Jobi Bar in Leblon is small but great. It’s famous so you pay more but I found it quite fun. Leblon is maybe slightly better than Ipanema which is slightly better than Copacabana. Overall they are all about the same. Maybe prettiest people in Leblon! Street food is good at all of them.

Listen, RJ Massage is the jam right in Copa near the JW (they are all on like the 8th floor of nondescript buildings but the city is dense so what are you gonna do). They have others, but this operation is so professional and so matter of fact and so clean and modern (masseur choice can be done on the host stand ipad). The girls were holy smokes and it’s just an amazing massage experience, and again for too little money. Contrary to that you have places like the Eden spa, which is right down the road and might as well put you thailand. Dirty, weird, get me out of here please. Monte Carlo was kind of the same way unfrotunately. It’s like no money was spent on interiors in the last 20 years. Kind of a dissapointment for what it could have been. They are straightforward though and it is quite reasonable. They still have Centaurus and they also have what I would call the Japanese style love motels which are just fun (Hotel Vanity is one), event to take your wife or girlfriend there. I mean mirrors, and jacuzzis, and toys, and porn, oh my! Speaking of toys and the like, Rio does not have good options on that front. For a pretty sexualized society you are aren’t going to find an adult emporium or anything like that. I found it a little off how sad the options were tbh.

I am done with Rio. It is mostly just a beach culture with beautiful people. Love the people, but I don’t want to spend all day on a beach…

I always say that Rio is what I imagine the US was like in the 1970’s. It’s just old now, and not in some European good way. The buildings dotting the beach for the most part need to be torn down. They offer no historical significance and mainly just look like that shitty doctors office you went to as a kid.

That being said, you go to Rio for the beach, and they don’t disappoint. You go for the beautiful people, the caipirinhas, the liveliness of it all, and it definitely does not disappoint. Copacabana was awesome but I found the area surrounding it to be far worse than Ipanema. Ipanema has a more beach/patio feel and is less downtown like. Ipanema also closes their main road on the weekends for pedestrians, which is cool as shit.

I love Rio for the people, the food, and the beaches/bikinis. Nothing else comes to mind. BUT, most places have nowhere near even that, so if you haven’t visited you are seriously missing out.

Notes to self:

-Stay in the middle of Ipanema if you can.
-The “restaurants” lining the beach roads are ok and convenient, but the stalls that are actually on the beach are more fun for drinks (gotta get some caipirinhas) and food (the meat sandwiches are killer). The Uruguayan place from No Reservations truly is the pajama jammy jam.
-Open air restaurants are fun just about anywhere, but look for the busy ones. Even standing outside a waiter will come by and ask if you want a drink. The people are always lively.
-Don’t stay in an “apartment” unless you are 100% certain that it is sick. Not only was my place meh, the area it was in sucked anus.
-Try not to do anything illegal. You really don’t need to worry about the cops, you need to worry about the burly men who will trap you wherever you got caught doing said illegal act who will shake you down until there’s no shakin left to do…we were pretty sure we were going to die…so don’t give them a reason.
-The Monte Carlo is outrageous, never seen anything like it…well, maybe in Sydney. Some say Centaurus but man I don’t know…
-Going up Sugarloaf is a must if you’ve never been. Multiple lifts to multiple levels. It’s cool.
-Same goes for the Redeemer. Even the “train” ride up is a unique experience (the track angles will amaze).

Caesar Park Ipanema - Feb 2016, Jan 2013

This hotel was absolutely necessary. I had just spent 5 days with my boys at a rental apartment in Rio (I love my boys, but this apartment was not built for me) and I needed something somewhat modern with an amenity or two.

Caesar Park is one of the few modern-ish hotels in Rio. Most were built in the 70’s and look like it. This hotel is right on the beach road in what I would say is the middle of Ipanema…good location.

No real amenity issues and the views from the high floors are hard to beat.

The rooftop pool is kind of cool but it’s connected to a restaurant that tries to be slightly nicer than it should be, and even though there is no roof over the pool, the side walls are just too high and you feel like you’re inside…

Windsor Atlantica Rio - Feb 2016

This hotel is by no means luxurious, but it is actually pretty damn good when compared to most Rio accommodations. It’s located in Leme, which is the north end of Copacabana. I would call it in between the 2 areas honestly. Pretty perfect if you want to stay in Copacabana.

Plenty of open air beach restaurants nearby and plenty of action on the streets for most of the day. It is as close as you will get to the beach with any other hotel in Rio, and they do have a little beach area where you can get a chair etc.

My room faced the south side which gave me some city and some beach to look at. I’m not even sure I booked such a view but it was perfect for me. With those mega carnival parties walking down the street I might be upset if I only had the ocean and couldn’t tell what was going on.

The bathroom is standard European, nothing to speak of. The room itself was big, and my corner room offered plenty of windows. There is no pay per view, the mini bar was small but more than adequate (though I could’ve used more than 2 beers!), and room service was 24 hours. The bar and restaurant in the lobby were rarely used…by anyone, and I felt the same way about the pool on the 4th floor.

The rooftop pool seemed to be in relatively high demand but it was pretty crappy. The pictures online are hilarious now that I’ve seen it myself. This pool would be right at home in Virginia Beach during the 1970’s. There is a bar however, and spending time for an evening cocktail up there can be quite exhilarating, as the views are phenomenal and this building is pretty much the highest one in Copacabana.

Staff was super nice though.

Notes

-Location is great, and if you know anything about Rio, these accommodations are top notch
-The included breakfast was actually quite nice. Very broad amount of food items and more waiters than would be necessary in any restaurant anywhere.

Sofitel Rio - Feb 2016

Their claim to fame is the roof top pool and restaurant with the sweet ass views.