Virgin Islands

I love the Virgin Islands. If I’m going to stay somewhere, its gotta be St John. The BVI’s each offer something unique, but St John is just perfect. Don’t stay on St. Thomas. It’s like a big city. St John is like a vacation, and you can hop over to everywhere from Cruz Bay.

What an amazing place. Just driving from Charlotte Amalie to Red Hook for the short ferry you realize you have made the right decision, and then you actually get to St John. It’s small, it’s quaint, and the people seem happy! Which isn’t so easy to come by in the Caribbean. They all say “land of the happy” and other silly slogans like that, but it’s often times trash talk.

The main area, Cruz Bay is just about perfect, not too big, not too little, with plenty of bars and restaurants ranging from shacks to fine dining. They really have managed to get a variety in that small area.
On the opposite side of the island, you will find coral bay, which doesn’t seem like much. A few crusty bitches and a hand full of rag tags really

Driving around the island is harrowing. The center line road basically runs the entire length of the island going from ridge to ridge, and the turns are treacherous, especially with all of the wandering goats and donkeys, of which there are many.
We went to a number of beaches but trunk bay is the only one that really has any infrastructure, and by that I mean you can rent stuff, and there’s a bar for you to buy stuff. Outside of Trunk bay you are basically on your own, which is desirable for some, but for me I at least want the option of being able to grab a cold drink if we run out.
It does cost money to enter Trunk Bay but once you’re in it really only has one downside, it is a dropping off point for tours coming from the cruise ships on St. Thomas. Outside of that, Trunk is hard to beat. It’s gorgeous, it’s big, and they have a snorkeling trail that even includes underwater markers that keep you on the path and offer info on wildlife and such. Kind of cool.

The market options on island are extensive, and we went to the starfish almost daily. Shit was expensive, but the variety was good.

The beach bar never disappointed, but it’s mostly bar food, you go there for the atmosphere really…and maybe the drinks, but I definitely wouldn’t say their painkiller or anything else was better or worse than any other places.

Notes to self:

-My last trip we mostly ate at the villa or in Cruz Bay. Our last day we had a nice breakfast at the quaint Tamarin Inn, where Sam was going to spend his first night on the island by himself…note to self, have breakfast at the Inn, never, ever stay there The Longboard on our first night was a great dinner. Good people, great food, modern but beachy style. Our kind of place.
-No matter what island you stay on, charter a boat and visit the others for a day. The baths are a must, and Jost is one of the best beach bar environments you’ll ever visit. Last trip we used Captain Cleve and got 8:30am to 5pm for $575 plus gas (about 100 bucks), plus we tipped him $75. The trip went to the baths first, then the willy T for lunch (where they now show videos of the debauchery rather than using those old photo books like they used to) (captain ate free also) (oh and it may not look like much, but we were all proud of jumping off that bitch), then to Jost where we hung out at the soggy dollar then walked over to Ivan’s stress free and hung out with Kenny Chesney…sort of (they fucked Ivan’s up btw, used to be a cool shack and now it’s a crappy giant structure…booo). Oh and we got stamped in Tortola…40 bones each.
-Stay on jost at least for a night. These places don’t ask for you to leave a credit card at the desk if you get there after the 5pm ferry, cause as my clerk said, “where you gonna go”. The Soggy Dollar bar is a very chill experience, and after the bartender closes for the day, the bar stays open using the honor code! You just write down what you took and pay him tomorrow…awesome. The beachside bungalows were pretty cool for us, but they are bare bones man. If you want AC you’ve got to stay in one of their back row apartments.
-Go to the Willy T for lunch. How can you not go to basically a pirate ship restaurant and bar that is moored in the middle of a bay. Boat is the only access. Cool and oddly debaucherous at night…I guess cause who’s gonna see you.
-Go snorkeling at the caves. It’s scary as shit going into those caverns but it’s quite a thrill. The water is like 50 feet deep too so you are under constant worry of shark attack, ha. But it’s clear and it’s fun.
-On the last trip I dinged the car in our crazy ass driveway, yes I admit it, but dude the bumper was hardly affected, so I say this, fuck Mr. Piper and his jeeps. He is a scam artist. If you ding your car anywhere, like I did on my bumper, he will say that he has to replace the whole thing. What do you do with it I ask, throw it away he says. What a fucking liar. Its a bumper, it’s made to bump. And anyway, what business do you have throwing away a bumper, or a door, or anything else. You mark it up on the rental sheet just like any rental company.
You are a sneaky liar sir. Your whole scam is bullshit and you should be thrown off that island. You are not worthy to live there. You prey on people who have no choice. You aggressive, rude, disgusting man. 190 extra bucks…fuck you. That is all.

-The boat bar off the Corral Bay coast (Angels Nest) was actually pretty fun and worth the wade/swim out there. Unfortunately the hurricane crushed it (though there is talk of opening a similar one called Lime Out).

-BUT, the people on the island overall are fantastic. My brother was moving there and everyone seemed legitimately interested in his story and his success. People wanted to help find you a job and they wanted to find you a place to live. It was like a miracle. I smile every time I think about it. It’s Silvertown…joe dirt? anyone?

I love the Virgin Islands. If I’m going to stay somewhere, its gotta be St John. The BVI’s each offer something unique, but St John is just perfect. Don’t stay on St. Thomas. It’s like a big city. St John is like a vacation, and you can hop over to everywhere from Cruz Bay.

What an amazing place. Just driving from Charlotte Amalie to Red Hook for the short ferry you realize you have made the right decision, and then you actually get to St John. It’s small, it’s quaint, and the people seem happy! Which isn’t so easy to come by in the Caribbean. They all say “land of the happy” and other silly slogans like that, but it’s often times trash talk.

The main area, Cruz Bay is just about perfect, not too big, not too little, with plenty of bars and restaurants ranging from shacks to fine dining. They really have managed to get a variety in that small area.
On the opposite side of the island, you will find coral bay, which doesn’t seem like much. A few crusty bitches and a hand full of rag tags really

Driving around the island is harrowing. The center line road basically runs the entire length of the island going from ridge to ridge, and the turns are treacherous, especially with all of the wandering goats and donkeys, of which there are many.
We went to a number of beaches but trunk bay is the only one that really has any infrastructure, and by that I mean you can rent stuff, and there’s a bar for you to buy stuff. Outside of Trunk bay you are basically on your own, which is desirable for some, but for me I at least want the option of being able to grab a cold drink if we run out.
It does cost money to enter Trunk Bay but once you’re in it really only has one downside, it is a dropping off point for tours coming from the cruise ships on St. Thomas. Outside of that, Trunk is hard to beat. It’s gorgeous, it’s big, and they have a snorkeling trail that even includes underwater markers that keep you on the path and offer info on wildlife and such. Kind of cool.

The market options on island are extensive, and we went to the starfish almost daily. Shit was expensive, but the variety was good.

The beach bar never disappointed, but it’s mostly bar food, you go there for the atmosphere really…and maybe the drinks, but I definitely wouldn’t say their painkiller or anything else was better or worse than any other places.

*See notes on Westin below and don’t go back to St John.

Notes to self:

-My last trip we mostly ate at the villa or in Cruz Bay. Our last day we had a nice breakfast at the quaint Tamarin Inn, where Sam was going to spend his first night on the island by himself…note to self, have breakfast at the Inn, never, ever stay there The Longboard on our first night was a great dinner. Good people, great food, modern but beachy style. Our kind of place.
-No matter what island you stay on, charter a boat and visit the others for a day. The baths are a must, and Jost is one of the best beach bar environments you’ll ever visit. Last trip we used Captain Cleve and got 8:30am to 5pm for $575 plus gas (about 100 bucks), plus we tipped him $75. The trip went to the baths first, then the willy T for lunch (where they now show videos of the debauchery rather than using those old photo books like they used to) (captain ate free also) (oh and it may not look like much, but we were all proud of jumping off that bitch), then to Jost where we hung out at the soggy dollar then walked over to Ivan’s stress free and hung out with Kenny Chesney…sort of (they fucked Ivan’s up btw, used to be a cool shack and now it’s a crappy giant structure…booo). Oh and we got stamped in Tortola…40 bones each.
-Stay on jost at least for a night. These places don’t ask for you to leave a credit card at the desk if you get there after the 5pm ferry, cause as my clerk said, “where you gonna go”. The Soggy Dollar bar is a very chill experience, and after the bartender closes for the day, the bar stays open using the honor code! You just write down what you took and pay him tomorrow…awesome. The beachside bungalows were pretty cool for us, but they are bare bones man. If you want AC you’ve got to stay in one of their back row apartments.
-Go to the Willy T for lunch. How can you not go to basically a pirate ship restaurant and bar that is moored in the middle of a bay. Boat is the only access. Cool and oddly debaucherous at night…I guess cause who’s gonna see you.
-Go snorkeling at the caves. It’s scary as shit going into those caverns but it’s quite a thrill. The water is like 50 feet deep too so you are under constant worry of shark attack, ha. But it’s clear and it’s fun.
-On the last trip I dinged the car in our crazy ass driveway, yes I admit it, but dude the bumper was hardly affected, so I say this, fuck Mr. Piper and his jeeps. He is a scam artist. If you ding your car anywhere, like I did on my bumper, he will say that he has to replace the whole thing. What do you do with it I ask, throw it away he says. What a fucking liar. Its a bumper, it’s made to bump. And anyway, what business do you have throwing away a bumper, or a door, or anything else. You mark it up on the rental sheet just like any rental company.
You are a sneaky liar sir. Your whole scam is bullshit and you should be thrown off that island. You are not worthy to live there. You prey on people who have no choice. You aggressive, rude, disgusting man. 190 extra bucks…fuck you. That is all.

-The boat bar off the Corral Bay coast (Angels Nest) was actually pretty fun and worth the wade/swim out there. Unfortunately the hurricane crushed it (though there is talk of opening a similar one called Lime Out).

-BUT, the people on the island overall are fantastic. My brother was moving there and everyone seemed legitimately interested in his story and his success. People wanted to help find you a job and they wanted to find you a place to live. It was like a miracle. I smile every time I think about it. It’s Silvertown…joe dirt? anyone?

Westin St. John - Aug 2024

The Westin St. John building 25 and its companion buildings are close enough to all the amenities but the rooms have little view. The 3 bedrooms don’t exist on the third floor and that’s really the only level where you can get a view. I would stay across the road up top next time and just use the golf cart service to get around. Their nice restaurant has a super small menu and kind of sucks. The pool bar is fine but again, not nice. I did like the Westin ferry service because they take your bags and basically take all of the guess work out of it, BUT you still have to take the shitty 45 minute taxi ride to Red Hook. Truly an awful experience…still.
All that being said, I will never be back. This is a time share hotel and it feels exactly like a mid level time share property would feel.

Also St. John is just too limited compared to st maarten or other comparable islands. I still love being able to boat to the BVI’s (we paid 2500 all in for a decent all day boat this time), but virgin gorda is too far for comfortability, and jost van dyke has lost its charm, and Tortola never had any charm (even the Willy T has been rebuilt and it is charm…less). Seriously though, the build back better plan on Jost Van Dyke means every hut beach bar with all the charm in the world now looks like a cruise ship terminal bar. It was depressing for what was one of the coolest places on earth.
The Jerry and Dave steakhouse is a joke of a place that takes advantage of people that don’t know what Prime steak is or what good wine is like. The super nice server did not even know how to open a mediocre hundred fifty dollar bottle.
Longboard still rules. Roma above it is decent but we only went there because the Neapolitan place next to the beach bar was closed. High tide does a good enough job for lunch. Morgan’s Mango is good for the lobster nights. I don’t love lobster, but they are big and not as expensive as they could be. We had fun.

Reefside Villa - Jan 2016

We loved this house. The main part of the house was gigantic, with a lower level and a massive pool area.

It also had 2 separate villas at the entrance right when you got through the gate. It basically allowed everyone in the family to get their own experience.

It was close to Cruz Bay and it was right up from the beach (though not really a beach you will care about).

My only complaint might of been that the pool stayed mega cold the whole time because it was so shaded!

Notes

-No hot tub turned out to be a drag but we bbq’d and watched the skins and had a great time.
-AC throughout was key!

Latitude - Aug 2015

Latitude, our villa, was pretty fantastic. Right in Rendezvous on Klein’s Bay (easy access to town). It had 3 bedrooms and the master was separated from the other two by a giant pool and hot tub area. The master bed and bath were just perfect. Great window coverage, and if one had a complaint, it would be the inability to keep out light resulting in a 7am wake up call from the sun every day, but whatevs. The bathroom was huge and had a double shower area that worked “ok”.

The other bedrooms were pretty standard but certainly good enough for anyone who’s not a master bedroom type.
The main house lacked one major ingredient…air conditioning. If the weather is perfect, which it often is, then this does not matter, but if it’s hot, like hooootttt, man I struggled. That room, especially when cooking, was not remotely comfortable.
The mosquitos were pretty outrageous too but we had bug spray and a tropical storm had just come though right before we got there so mosquito timing might have been horrid.
I mainly stayed in the pool and hot tub. Gorgeous views, gorgeous water, I mean truly hard to beat. We grilled out under the stars one night and had a fantastic time.
The road to get to the house is pretty simple and easy, the driveway itself is not, and yup, I did wreck the car just a little bit. See my “fuck mr. piper” note in the main VI area…

Overall this place was pretty sick. I paid $3,500 for 5 nights in August 2015.

Notes

-We got the sense that someone had been there at one point…a housekeeper perhaps, but there was no sign or anything like that…kind of odd. Like leave a note rather than acting like burglar dude.
-The house was pretty stocked, everything you would need to cook, clean, or whatever. They even had some left over booze, which I think we ended up contributing to honestly.

Eden’s Whim St. John - Jul 2006

What a cool fucking house.

I was immediately put off by staying in a location called “Chocolate Hole”…but when I saw this compound (and that’s the best way to describe it) my fears were put to rest. The main house had giant ceilings and modern amenities. The guest house was more like a traditional beach house. The two houses were connected by a giant pool, a sweet hot tub area that offered some privacy, and a huge outdoor dining and grilling spot. All areas had amazing island views.

The house itself isn’t exactly close to anything, but nothing in St. John really is.

There may be grander and cooler houses on the island, but for us, this was the perfect house at the perfect time. Nice place.