Italy - Amalfi Coast
What a trip! We started in Rome, then hit up Cortona in Tuscany, then headed down to Naples as our jumping off point to the Amalfi coast. Dramatic scenery, small towns, great transportation options for the most part, great food, some nice beaches, not that many tourists if you work it right. We truly loved it. From Cortona it did take us a car, 2 trains, a cab to grab a Napoli pizza, a cab to the port, a ferry to the island of Capri, a cab to the hotel, and then a walk to the hotel because cars can only get so close…plus 3 out of 3 cabs raped us good and proper… Needless to say we were ready to chill upon arrival and we definitely got what we asked for.
Capri – Capri is basically 2 spots, the marina where everyone goes to the blue grotto, and the town of Capri on top of the hill (there is a funicular that goes straight there for 3 euros so don’t be a dumbass/me and take a cab for 20). The town is gorgeous. Old ass winding roads filled with restaurants, shops and gelato. There are hotels everywhere, there are views everywhere, and unexpectedly but some minor research would tell you that it’s one of the more expensive places on the planet. We are talking rodeo drive, but actually pretty (rodeo drive is surprisingly uggo). We had a great dinner at Giorgino (a recommendation from the super nice hotel lady), had a hell of a time getting there but once we found it and they gave us an amazing table on the patio we were super happy. Walking around these streets at night is a wonderful adventure. It’s so ritzy but so relaxed, it’s a little odd in a good way honestly.
I should also add that the ferry area is no slouch either. Yes there are day trippers everywhere but it’s still fun. The coast is dotted with restaurants and we had a great time just sitting on patios and having some wine and food while people watching.
The main attraction in Capri is the Blue grotto, and it is the dumbest attraction I may have ever been to. All told it costs about 30 euros to wait in a line, take a short boat ride, sit on said boat in the sun for an hour or more, hop on a tiny boat and go into a super dark cave for about 5 minutes with 30 or 40 other boats filled with your closest friends. This is a made up attraction. Its beauty is minimal, and its grandeur is non existent. If you have traveled at all and have seen anything, do yourself a favor, trust the Wikipedia page’s pictures, you’ve now seen the best that this place has to offer. Blue water in a cave…really?! That’s your pitch?!
Positano – Positano itself is very cool, but very steep. We came over on the ferry and while there are porters to take your luggage up to your hotel (10 euros per bag) there are not porters to take YOU up our walk was fun actually but I don’t think my parents could do it, for example. Had a great dinner in a private balcony at cafe Positano (like it was a patio built for 2…in a very busy restaurant). Beach club chairs were great but service was nonexistent, though the guy was trying (just bring a bottle of white yourself like our new friends had done). Walking along these streets is just awesome, though tiring. 450 steps to get to one part of our street (though many wrong turns can be made as signage isn’t really a thing here). You can also take the road which is super thin for you and a bus to fit on, but everyone does it, and it just works. La Serinuse hotel was spectacular, but at 1500 a night while we were in Positano we decided to skip it (grand hotels in Europe are expensive and not modern or even that cool outside of their bars and pools. The rooms almost always suuuccckkk, no matter what you spend). We did have some oysters and drinks on their patio and loved the opulence. My girl got some shoes made for her on the spot and was in heaven. The ferry over was easy though it only goes from Capri to here a few times a day. We are taking a car from here to sorrento…80 euros.
One of the things I loved about Positano is the location of many of the hotels.
Because of the walk you don’t want to be too high up, but you do want to be at least half way up the hill. If you can swing a nice patio you will be able to experience everything. Like due to the shape of the valley you can see and hear people on the other side of the mountain face, it’s really quite dramatic. We were also lucky enough to have a pretty sweet storm roll in while we were sitting out there. The lightning over the ocean was spectacular.
Sorrento feels bigger and without proper beaches it can seem like a regular city (while there is a tiny beach, most of the “beaches” are these floating piers with loungers on them, I had never seen that before and it was pretty cool, you do have direct access to the sea, but again it was disjointed so it’s not like you can just walk down the coast and people watch). Even the cliffs are disjointed because of the hotels and resorts dotting them. Sorrento is great, but to avoid a let down I’d do it before the more dramatic locations of the Amalfi coast.
I must give a shout out to them turning the main road into a pedestrian only thoroughfare at night. That’s always a pleasure.
Notes to self:
-A ride along the coast is a must, however you can do it. The buses seemed like hell, driving seemed like hell, so we rented a car and a driver. He was super nice and we got the gist.
-On our most recent trip we took some boat taxis from town to town. It was perfect and well worth the cost.
-Don’t stay in the town of Praiano. Possible the worst town in all of the coast, though I haven’t been to them all. Vertical everything and there really isn’t anything there. The main beach is fine with some restaurants, but it’s best attribute are all the little boats that can take you to other towns. We ate at a couple restaurants more than once, not because they were great, but because it was that annoying to go further. Not a great sign.
Villa Astra Praiano - Aug 2019
Fuck you man. Seriously. False advertising or some shit. It’s probably all my fault but shiiiiittttt, this is my site so I’m gonna go ahead and blame everyone else!
This place doesn’t have air conditioning. I mean it does, in the bedrooms only, so it really doesn’t have air conditioning. It’s not a small house and the main area is large and would be a perfect spot to hang out, but you can’t, cause it’s hot as shit. No haha just suck it up hot, mind numbing, constantly sweating holy shit hot. I’m so mad.
Plus the place is near nothing. Nothing. It’s outrageously near nothing. There is no fucking town you liars. The market right next door is a steaming hot mess. A European market it is not. It’s hardly a store. It’s like a third world commissary closet. Holy shit.
The only restaurants nearby aren’t even really near by. Down a steep ass hill, and while I liked the restaurants, we had to eat at 1 of them twice for dinner because this house isn’t near anything.
You are at the top of a giant hill. Took us an hour to get down to the beach. A steep, hot, awful hour.
Praiano is not an actual place for you. It’s got a little beach/marina area where you can travel to real places from.
There was a bus stop directly outside of the house but it takes forever to get places and it gets crowded.
You are nowhere near anything. Nothing.
Should of stayed in a hotel. Damn I’m mad at this one. And it was expensive too. You actually stop at a hotel to get the keys etc before your arrival (The Grand Hotel Triton), turns out there could never have been a bigger tease.
Fucking kids outside my window racing tricycles all night. Mosquitos. Ants. No air conditioning! Dammit. The pool was small too. And the damn bottom of the pool was coming off. And damn damn damn.
What a joke. I can’t believe I paid so much for this ass clown “villa”.
I’m done.
La Palma – Capri - June 2016
The room was small and old but good for Capri me thinks, no pay per view, they had room service but with limited hours, and the mini bar was good.
Balcony went to nothing but was still nice (on the booking site it said “city view”, when I called down the lady said, “we are in the middle of the city so there is no view”, how do you like that!). The bed was fine but it was 2 singles pushed together, bathroom was good size with cool bathtub ledge.
Breakfast was free and fairly large, location was absolutely perfect.
The choices here are limited, so this is honestly not a bad one. We paid $300 a night.
Notes
-You honestly won’t spend much time in the room, and you are only about 50 yards from the main square and the funicular.
Poseidon – Positano - June 2016
Amazing views, but you gotta work to get up there!
Amazing patio and pool area! The pool is great with French Riviera style patio seating with wonderful views and a little bar.
The room was fine, bigger than expected I would say, bathroom was moderately sized, mini bar was fine, no pay per view, and room service was limited. They did give us a nice bottle of prosecco for our honeymoon (which we actually drank instead of stupidly leaving it behind like the bottle the hotel in Cortona gave us).
Breakfast is pretty good but the gorgeous seating is limited.
The real feature for us at this hotel was the balcony. Oh my it was huge, and it overlooked the city and the sea. It wasn’t the most private thing on planet earth but we sure acted like it was. We used that thing thoroughly!
We did have to pay 500 a night to stay here.
Notes
-All things considered, you want to be up high for the views and the breezes, so even with the walk up and down every day, this hotel is pretty perfectly located. There is even a market right next door for whatever you may want, like wine, or wine.
Grand Hotel Royal – Sorrento - June 2016, Aug 2019
Oh man, perfect location right near the center, the train station, and the shore.
It’s a large complex that could almost be kitschy but they pull it off. The pool area is large and nice. The patio dining is plentiful. The rooms are large. And the best part is a seaside “beach” (there’s not much of a beach anywhere in the cliff laden town of sorrento so the nice hotels use docks as beaches). We are talking good chairs, a staircase right into the sea, bar service, and kind of a rad walk through passages bored through the mountain to get down to it. It’s far but totally worth it (the lift is there too, but you’ve been in an elevator before).
No pay per view. Room service was good but it’s 6 euros per person just to get it!. Mini bar was good. Our balcony was large but looked at very little. Bathroom was old as fuck and shower was meh.
$300 a night.
Notes
-As far as amenities go, I’m not sure this hotel is very beatable in Sorrento. It’s perhaps ever so slightly off the center of town, but we are talking nominally.
-Breakfast was one of the bigger spreads that we saw, PLUS, an omelet station, yup, heaven.
-Nice place, second time there. Got a junior suite this time. Nice balcony. Too hot.
-Strangely we got a private car from here all the way to our hotel in Rome (basically the airport since we were leaving early the next day, spent 590 Euros on it but at the end of the day it was like 150 just to get to Napoli then train to Rome, then cab to hotel, etc etc etc. We were happy with the decision.