US - New York

New York is easily one of the greatest cities in the world. I often joke that if you want to eat the best food from any country in the world, then go to America, and specifically go to New York (the theory being that any chef who becomes famous for anything is either going to open a shop in NYC, or one of their employees will).

I actually lived in New York when I was younger and had mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it offered every single thing a person could ever want to try, on the other hand people honked all the time and looked at me like I was a psycho killer when I said hello while walking down the street. By the way, you should try this sometime; it doesn’t ever happen so at first people think they know you (cause who says hello to a stranger! That only happens in movies right), and then they realize that you might be a nut bag. The expressions can be priceless.

New York offers some of the best hotels in the world. It offers some of the best restaurants in the world. It offers Broadway, which is pretty amazing. It offers breathtaking views and pizza at 4am. It’s one of my favorite places to visit, and it’s a place I have zero desire to ever live in again.

Notes to self:

-I have never had a bad time at Balthazar. It’s one of my favorite restaurants on the planet. Just feels good being in there.
-The pizza from Pizza Suprema was fantastic. Easy midtown location, no beer, but really really good, highly recommended pizza.
-John’s of Bleecker Street is a rad place to go for pizza (off hours only as I wouldn’t really wait). Great pizza and old school style. Only whole pies here… Joe’s Pizza on Bleecker right near there is awesome for slices.
-The chicken sandwich from Fuku was the jam! If we didn’t have to listen to that whiny little baby who thought the bartender was rude to him the whole time we would’ve really had a great time. The sandwiches are so simple, potato roll, fried chicken, butter, served in a foil pouch like you would get at a ski resort. It’s either perfection, or a total scam, haha. (the ssam sauce is the jam also)
-The Per Se bar area is the jam. You don’t have to do the bullshit hours long tasting menus…my god when can we end that relic from the past, and you can enjoy dishes from that same menu. Now you will still pay out the ass, perhaps even more (125 for a single portion of black truffle pasta), but I like options, and doing it this way is far better.
-Outdoor pools are at a premium in NYC…getting a hotel with one while the weather is nice is like gold
-Most recently we did Monkey bar to try their supposedly rock star burger. The service, food, and decor were kind of meh.

-Decoy was bad ass, sat at the bar and killed some duck. Right across the street was Employees Only which we liked, but our drinks tasted like sweet anus. And like candy sweet, rather than awesome sweet anus. The bar at the Nomad hotel was perfect for us (I liked both public bars and the guests only area seemed cool too, very old school parlor style). Betony for dinner (they just got a Michelin star) was fine but not great. Service was really good.
-My strip club search continues. This time we went to Vivid Cabaret. We got placed right next to one of the two stages downstairs but that also meant we were right next to an extraordinarily loud speaker. Blew our fucking eardrums out. The bar area on both floors is tight. The second floor feels less cramped and you can sort of see downstairs if you are right on the railing, but there is a lot less going on up there.
-Bagels remain outstanding. At the Park Hyatt we had Zuckers bagels (apparently Murray’s son) and the cream cheese was unstoppable. We also made a visit up to 107th for Absolute Bagels (whose bagels are better but I thought the cream cheese was worse). Russ and Daughters was great but the time we got them it was snowing, and freezing, and the shop has no place to eat anything, so we stood in a stoop and stuffed our faces. Murrays bagels are strong as well.
There was this disgusting bagel place I went to right after I got back from Vancouver. It had supposedly the cities best bacon egg and cheese bagel sandwich. Man, I can’t believe I do not remember the name. It was on a major list, at the top of the list in fact, but for the life of me I can’t remember the name. The shop itself is more like a bodega than a bagel place…this lapse will haunt my dreams.
-Katz deli is quite underwhelming. I think most old Jewish delis are pretty boring in fact. The meat is great, don’t get me wrong, but in this day and age you need more than great meat to make a great sandwich…and these sandwiches are just plain boring. And…the places smells.
-Carnegie Hall does not allow drinks in the actual theater. So PREPARE son!
-Pearl and Ash was super good on my most recent trip to New York. Really impressed, but they didn’t have a full bar (no real liquor) so that bumps them down a few notches. We got like 6 dishes on a menu that really wasn’t that big, and I only disliked one, a scrambled egg dish that was way underdone, and I love runny eggs. This was like soup. Great service and food overall though.
-Wilfie and Nell’s had a cool tavern style (we loved the banquet idea). Distilled in Tribeca had a great bar style. Good ideas.
-Daniel was an amazing experience. Too long, with a wine menu that was too expensive even for the most seasoned traveler, but the food was fantastic and the service was excellent. Great dinner.

- On a recent LGA to JFK layover I went sandwich hopping…Anthony and son Italians – Williamsburg (old school as shit, pretty good), Federoffs roast pork Williamsburg too! (not great), I didn’t find federoffs, Anthony and son, or Williamsburg bagel (which is just a stand really) to be particularly good or interesting, with federoff actually being dry, bland, and bad.

11 Howard - Dec 2022

It’s a deisgn hotel so they care very little for your status.

Our balcony was huge for a balcony, but it was also bigger than our actual room. Totally lame.

The bar at the hotel closes completely to hotel guests and turns into an unrelated to the hotel club after hours. So lame.

I did not like this hotel and I thought they were aloof for a mediocre product at best. I will never go back.

Ritz Carlton - Dec 2021

Not to be a dick, but I have absolutely zero idea why anyone would stay here.
I’m not saying it’s not nice, it is, but comps matter, and this hotel doesn’t stand up. Seriously why are you staying here?
You aren’t staying here because you have Marriott elite status, we have the highest possible status and it wasn’t even mentioned. They couldn’t care less, like literally care as little as a hotel could.
You aren’t staying here because of the dramatic lobby and awesome decor. That pretty much doesn’t exist here.
You aren’t staying here because they are super nice, they didn’t even smile to us.
You aren’t staying here because of the views, we got a “high floor” way up on floor 10. Seriously. And it only goes up to 30. In all fairness, if you’ve never had a great central park view, and you have been living under a rock, or perhaps, are, a rock, then this view could be dramatically impressive.
You aren’t staying here because of the amenities, they have almost none.
So for the same price, if you want modern you can get the park Hyatt or the mandarin, if you want grand, for the price you can get the Pierre or the Plaza, both of which have rad decor.
Most of those go up higher, have better rooms, and even pools and cool bars.
Basically you aren’t staying here for any of the above reasons, so let’s be honest, you are staying here because you don’t know any better.
Lesson learned.

Park Hyatt NYC - Nov 2014

This is supposed to be the newest 5-star hotel built in Manhattan since 11 years ago when the Mandarin Oriental was built. If that is true, then I say there remains a market for a truly luxurious experience. It would be unfair to say it was bad, as it is light years from bad, but it left a ton to be desired.

First things first, it is not on the Park. It acts like it’s on the park. It’s near the park. You can see the park from certain angles. But it ain’t in any way shape or form on the mofo’ing park. It’s about a block and half away just about in the middle of the park (it is blocked in the front by multiple, but primarily 2, giant mega park side buildings).

Secondly, the ground floor houses…nothing. The lobby, lobby restaurant, and lobby bar are all on the upper floors which makes coming and going a bit annoying. More importantly though! This building is like 90 stories high. When you see it you are like holy shit. Like holy shit for real. But then you realize that the Park Hyatt is actually only the first 30 floors or so. Fine if you are in Boise, but a real nut crusher in Manhattan.

I am not sure what happened when we checked in, but we were told to expect people whisking you away from your car with iPads to check you in and take you straight to your room. That is completely false. Not only is there a check in desk area at this hotel just like every other hotel, but they didn’t even take our luggage to the room. It was crazy uncomfortable as we dragged our luggage right next to the hostess who walked us to our room. She did a brief room introduction and then bailed…bad start.

The rooms are nice. Dark hard wood. Hallway with plenty of closet space with a living room at the end and the bedroom and bath on the side (the hallway also had a half bath). The living room had a curved couch and a giant TV and was on a corner so all walls on one side were windows (but again, you are primarily looking at buildings). The bedroom was almost entirely occupied by the bed (hard to move around) but the attached master bath made up for it. Huge vanity area. Huge 2 person tub. Huge and wonderful and amazing rainfall shower room. Last but possibly most, the toilet stall contained one of those $10K Japanese toilets, you know the ones where the Japanese girl stands there and wipes for you? In any case, heated seats obviously. Sensors that raise and lower the lid accordingly. Multiple flush styles. Cleaning functions. AAANNNDDDD the most sophisticated bidet ever. Oh, you feel like front to back action, soft style, with some light oscillation? Yeah we got that.

The mini bar was totally packed but every item was expensive as shit. Not like oh you should expect that expensive, more like you fucking asshole expensive. There was good pay per view BUT NO PORN. Like ZERO. Like what the fuck is your fucking problem. Room service was 24 hours (but we did have that concierge bagel issue where they tried to charge us almost 200 bucks! they did change it).

Notes

-I was originally supposed to get a 57th street studio (which are all on the 11th floor) with what they called a (curved window). They said it was a super cool feature and it was only available in these rooms. However, we got upgraded to a West Side suite (which they said was better) on the 16th floor so I never saw it.
-I didn’t totally understand the remotes. I like to think that the remotes are stupid…but maybe…
-The spa was the jam. They kind of include the gym, the pool, the whirlpool, and the hamam in the spa amenities even though they are on separate sides of the building. All of these are on the top hotel floor and the gym is pretty bad ass. It covers the building front to back so you can choose from Park or City views/angles. Even the bathrooms in the gym were sick (huge area, awesome showers, womens had the park views as well). The pool was nice and supposedly had classical music playing underwater that you could barely not hear. The major problem with the pool is that they stupidly require a lifeguard to sit right in front of you. To be clear, it is the opposite of intimate, it is stupidly uncomfortable. The hamam was awesome and super steamy, and the whirlpool was also nice. The spa itself had a decent relaxation room but it’s more like a lobby than anything else. The treatment room (couples massage in this case) was huge with 3 areas, one with chairs for after your massage to sit and look out at the city, then the standard massage table area, then the most amazing tub and shower area (which is kind of strange cause you can’t lock it and you aren’t sure how much time you have…ahem). But this shower, this shower. This is the shower to end all showers. The rainfall shower heads must of been 15 feet in the air. There were front jets, side jets, back jets. It was like a human car wash, and I love it. Like for serious.
-I did have a button fall off my coat while there and they repaired it and returned it in like 30 minutes…for free. Good show. Also, you get 2 free shirts pressed per stay.

St. Regis New York - Dec 2019

Well, against our better judgement, against everything that we hold holy, we decided to try an opulent New York hotel. Swanky old school style. The grand dames. Jesus. They can keep it man. No offense, but that stuff has no place in a modern world. You are supposed to mix things up. You are supposed to offer the best of both worlds. Just focusing on what one would find great 50 years ago ain’t gonna do it. My friends who have a little money and almost no style stay in places like these because of the name, not having any clue that they are to be made fun of after they mention their chosen hotel. Oh my god. I’m a little upset. Date……ed.

They were nice. Of course they were nice. They were so nice. We got upgraded then upgraded again. The room we had was fit for a lesser prince or some shit. 2 rooms really (The Madison Suite). Lot’s of gold and chandeliers and space. Little teeny tiny TV’s. Almost no comfort. Almost nothing that didn’t seem awkward. Modern travelers do not want a butler waiting at their beck and call also. It’s uncomfortable. The Cosmo does it right where it’s like a team and an entire section of the hotel etc. At the St. Regis you get the impression that they are waiting next door to run grab you a coffee. Can’t I just get a normal coffee? Anyway, I was so sad. Having 2 bathrooms was great. The showers were great. There were great things, but I was constantly thinking about where I could’ve been.

The Old King Cole bar is cool enough I guess. Just like the Hemmingay bar in Paris. Wait to get in, then basically the same bar experience you could have anywhere that is cozy and old. Except for twice the price. Can’t believe I skipped the Nomad for that shit.

Location is great of course. Especially at Christmas when we were there. Walking to Rockefeller and 5th Avenue shopping made everything a breeze.

W Downtown - Jan 2016

I really have no idea why they made this hotel so modern. The decor is like a spaceship. Nothing is understated, and few things would qualify as cool. That being said, it did have all of the other amenities one would expect from a W.

My view did look directly over One World Trade, which was cool. The bar is nice and the first floor has a cool restaurant…burgers

The lobby was on the 5th floor though, which blows.

Notes

-It was perfect for needing to get to Newark Airport early in the morning, and for meeting a friend downtown.

Roxy Hotel NYC - Oct 2016

Overall we loved this hotel. The lobby and entrance area are very cool. The lobby itself has an awesome bar, a nice lounge area, and they do live music almost every night. It feels posh and lively. The downstairs has an even cooler bar, like an old school jazz club, and it houses the hotel’s “theater” which has an older movie theater feel than they wanted me thinks. These main areas of the hotel work really well and make the entire place feel special.

Now that being said, there are some drawbacks. For one, the location isn’t awesome. Tribeca is cool but it wasn’t close enough to Greenwich which is where we wanted to spend most of our time. It’s walkable, but my girl got kind of pissed

Also, the hotel is built like one of those old school atrium chain hotels. I have seen this work ok before, but it’s rare, and this isn’t one of those cases where it’s cool. It feels dated and silly.

Lastly, the rooms had a glaring deficiency. Pay per view sucked and there was no adult section! Are you kidding me!? In a hotel that tries to be as sexy as this one? They give you nice hard wood floors and large rooms. The bathrooms are nice (though they didn’t do much with the showers for some reason) and the mini bars are neat. Room service is good and the overall feel is cool. I didn’t get it…

Notes

-I don’t think we would stay again…

Refinery Hotel - Dec 2015

Well. Weeeeelllllll. We chose this hotel due to its recent addition to the best new hotels in the US list this year. Had to try it.

The first thing you may notice is that there are no traditional doormen. Usually I wouldn’t care, but this place ain’t cheap, and at the very least when you are trying to hail a cab on a Friday afternoon in Manhattan it can be very nice to have a professional on your side. In addition, the bellmen that they do have lost our bags. Yup, the room wasn’t ready upon arrival and we checked the bags and went out to lunch. Our bags were apparently sent to the wrong room and didn’t reappear for 4 hours, after many complaints. I’d like to say that our bellmen ordeal ended there, but no. No. Not at all. Upon our departure we asked them to watch our bags again. I pointed to a shopping bag and showed the guy the bottle of wine inside. He said not to worry and off we went. We should’ve worried though. It took him about 5 minutes to drop said bag and the wine exploded all over everything, including a brand new sweater that I loved. After calling me to tell me this, I asked the bell captain to have our bags ready because we were pulling up in a cab and needed to leave quickly. Thinking he wasn’t going to do this, I also called the front desk and said the same thing. Upon arrival though, guess what, not only were our bags not ready, but they couldn’t even find them. I have never seen such a cluster fuck. They all seemed super nice and even competent, they are just so unorganized. Whoever is running the show needs to take a step back and really look at the operation/their life choices.

In any case, we loved the hotel bar, which was like a parlor room in an old mansion. We also loved the hotel restaurant, Parker and Quinn. They are super nice in there and the decor is just perfect old school new york. Subway tile everywhere, cool chandeliers and sconces, etc. Brunch was good, but NYC not allowing booze sales until noon on Sunday put a damper on my plans!

We also adored the rooftop bar! What a space. Like I had a fantastic time there, but you don’t need to stay in the hotel for this action.

The rooms were great, lots of hard wood, rugs, mirrors. We stayed in an Atelier suite and were very happy. No views to be had but the sitting area with full couch was great. The bathroom was also cool with wall to wall white tiles. This room was cool. For whatever reason they have modern pay per view but no adult action! We didn’t need it but still! Ridiculous. Room service ends at midnight. Mini bar was great and used quite a bit.

Notes

-I liked this place but probably wouldn’t stay again. I honestly don’t know how it got on those best of lists. It’s cool, but not that cool, and services seem to be limited. The stuff we really loved can be experienced without staying here.

W Times Square - Sep 2015, Jun 2011, Jun 2007

This W hotel is a great example of what makes W a quality modern hotel brand. It’s located in one of the busiest sections of Times Square, which can make cabs and sanity a little difficult, but overall the location is perfect for a standard New York tourist. The restaurant is on the street level, but you have to take a separate elevator to get to the street access lobby, which is generally pretty frustrating to me. I hate having to take two different elevators just to get to my room. The lobby is great, and the living room is a perfect lounge, and the bar is very popular. The rooms are fantastic with great views. Ask for a room on a high floor with a view of Times Square. I also recommend the rooms with the fully mirrored headboards if your companion is game.

One of the more important issues you can have at this hotel are the bathrooms not fully being separated from the bedroom. In most of the non suite rooms you can literally see the outline of the person on the toilet, and the walls are hardly thick for sound (the doors are sliding rather than locking). So if you are with someone you know or you’re alone then it’s generally ok, if you are with someone who you don’t quite share with on that level yet, this could be a major issue.

Notes

– No amenity issues. There’s a club right below the hotel that is pretty cool.

Gansevoort NYC (Meatpacking) - Jul 2014, Mar 2012

Lobby is cool but slightly cramped with a bar off to the side and a pool table – room was great, suite style with the bedroom and sitting room separated, full bathroom with good shower in the bedroom, full bath but no shower in the living room. The living room has a pseudo balcony – movie system was old school with meh selections but it did have 24 hour action – mini bar was fully stocked – room service offered 24 hours, good selection but it comes from a neighboring restaurant rather than the hotel itself – multiple closets and all the other standard amenities – rooftop acts as a hotel guests only pool and lounge during the day and a drinking lounge at night, the pool itself is small and there are literally 6 chaise loungers along with some random couches and reclining lawn type chairs. The view is sick however. If you can nab a chair (and not literally right in front of the entrance like mine) then I could see staying here for a while on a nice day.
The spa was downstairs and has unisex hot tubs and steam rooms

Notes

–The meatpacking district is pretty sweet on the weekends. I mean you are at one of the epicenters of smoking hot women going to clubs all around you.

W Union Square - Jul 2014, Dec 2012

One has certain expectations when booking a W hotel, and the Union Square edition of this modern chain is not designed to meet those expectations. I actually don’t mean to crap on the place, but I feel like someone should’ve told me that this was not a modern designed hotel. Someone should’ve pulled me aside and said, “we weren’t going for the cool factor with this one.” Someone should’ve smacked me in the mouth and put me in a cab. It wouldn’t be the first time I asked to be let out of my reservation early. Love the location by the way. Union Square is pretty bad ass.

The lobby here is like walking into a giant ball of who cares.

Nice rooms (big by NYC standards, but not cool like most W rooms). Modern amenities like you would expect. Decent views of the square. They don’t offer the traditional W “library” lounge area. This one is more of a waiting area for people who can’t find a seat at the bar or who have given up on their rooms. It’s probably the weakest W bar area I have ever seen. The restaurant is cool however, with a sweet bar and great food, and it’s very popular.

Notes

-Downstairs bar recently changed hands (in 2014) and now has a much better menu and staff.

Trump SoHo - Mar 2013

The Trump Soho, regardless of what they say in advertising or on the phone, is not in an awesome area. For the young and wild and free sorts, it is only an ok area. It is definitely in walking distance to many things, Soho shopping, Little Italy, Chinatown, etc. but it doesn’t have a cool bar or restaurant scene right there. In fact, finding a café for breakfast wasn’t even all that close. W hotels do a much better job at integrating the bar scene into the hotel universe. The bar at the Trump Soho is quite small, and a much more standard restaurant bar. There is a bar that opens on the weekends, but I did not see it. There is also a hotel pool that I must go to when it gets warmer.

We had a deluxe on a high floor. Very nice. Kind of small. Bathroom had an awesome tub that looked out to an amazing view (the TS is the tallest building around by far so views are abundant). There was one major design error in that the bathroom technically had no door. So it was a giant general bathroom area with a separate toilet “room” inside of the bathroom, but the door to the toilet isn’t air/sound/smell/giant poop butt tight! So what the fuck. You have to pretend like you are taking a shower, while washing your hands, while folding a newspaper if the Korean food you ate the night before decides it has overstayed its welcome. If I am there to get down and dirty with a girl, then as far as I’m concerned we live in a poop ignorant world.

Room service was top tier. One might worry because the restaurant downstairs is Asian, but they do a fantastic job of making the room service menu appropriate for all. I missed having some more pedestrian items like wings or nachos, but there are plenty of burgers and steaks and great breakfast items. Movie on demand system was good…plenty of adult stuff and modern movies. Great robes, towels, toiletries, and mini bar. Shades and lighting were all push button operated which is very convenient. Spa downstairs is not coed so missed the mark completely on a sexy spa day as a couple.

Notes

– Staff was simply perfect. Truly hard to beat at every position. Not stuffy and incredibly helpful.

Setai NYC - Mar 2013

This hotel is not connected to the Setai in Miami…and you can tell right when you walk in. It’s very nice, but not Miami Setai nice.

Notes

– No adult movies…supposedly an amazing spa.

Westin Times Square - May 2012

Went here on a business outing. Good central location. Times square can be crazy, but can also be really impressive when you’re with a bunch of people who have never seen anything like it before. The rooms were standard Westin action.

Notes

– No amenity issues.

Thompson LES - Jun 2009

This is a cool hotel. The lower east side can be hit or miss on locations…and this one is probably slightly more of a miss, but it’s New York, and you can walk anywhere. The style at this hotel is top notch. I love the beaded walls in the rooms and the platform beds. The coolest feature at the hotel has to be the rooftop pool and bar. Great place to hang out during the day or meet up for drinks before going out. I was quite at home here. No amenity issues. 24 hour room service was nice.

Grand Hyatt – NYC - Mar 2005

Being next to Grand Central is nice I suppose. Grand Hyatt’s can work out quite well, but they are exactly as you’d expect them to be.

Notes

– No amenity issues.